Happy 1000th, Death Penalty!

Many Happy Returns! This morning (last night for us West Coasters) the state of North Carolina executed the 1000th person since the triumphant return of the death penalty in 1977. North Carolina doesn't hang folks, like we do here in Washington state, but they still got the job done. We should all be very proud.

Top 10 reasons to keep the death penalty:

1. "DNA" is just a theory. Like evolution or germs.

2. Without the death penality, Jack McCoy has less to furrow his brow over.

3. How else can we teach our children about justice?

4. We must remember the lessons of 9/11. People who don't support the death penalty don't care about the troops. It's also important to stay the course. For the troops.

5. Abolishing the death penalty, or even a moratorium, would put lots of death machine operators out of work. Switch flipper, noose makers, button pushers, injectors, and a few lucky lucky firing squad marksmen would all lose their jobs.

6. Society needs vengeance. Have we learned nothing from Charles Bronson?

7. That last-minute call from the governor just wouldn't mean as much without it.

8. If you didn't want to get executed, you shouldn't have been so black.

9. Remember how happy people were when Bundy got what was coming to him? It wouldn't be Morning in America without some righteous killing.

10. "Right to Counsel" didn't mean that you would get adequate, or even awake, legal representation. It protects your right to volunteer at teen hotlines.

11. Seriously, you really shouldn't have been so black.