Do I Need Anger Management, or Does the World Need to Be a Less Annoying Place?

I have been on eight airplanes in the past seven days. Not for vacation. I am crabby.

Seriously, what's up with people?

On one flight, I sat next to a young woman, about 19 or 20. The flight attendant asked everyone to turn their cell phones off. The young woman continued to text-message with glassy-eyed urgency. The stewardess came by and asked her to turn it off. She raised the "just a minute finger" until the stewardess walked off. And she continued to click out her life's story as though the fate of the world rested on her getting out: "lol ur funny i cnt w8 2 c u." The flight attendant asked AGAIN for everyone to put their phones away. But this girl never did. She tried a couple of times, but it was like the Ring--it just kept exerting some dark and inexorable force over her. She'd try to put it in her bag, but then she'd flip it up again and text some more. She continued to text all the way through take-off until, presumably, she had no more service. But she kept checking and clicking throughout the flight. She tried to read a book at once point, but after 30 seconds, she flipped open her phone again and clicked out some more crucial messages. Was it really for this that we have opposable thumbs?

On another flight, I sat next to the whistler. He didn't whistle a tune. Or even a note. Just this hollow monotonous whine. Was it wrong to want to stab him with my plastic fork? If so, how wrong?

My next travelling companion was an aging Lothario, the kind of middle-aged straight white guy who still wears a moustache. The kind of guy who wants to talk about money and business. And, in this case, who wanted to keep ringing for the stewardess so he could flirt with her. Which is gross. BUT the stewardess hung around in the aisle (the flight was only about 1/2 full) and flirted back. And then kept going to the intercom thingy and flirting over the loudspeaker so that the whole cabin had to be subjected to comments like: "You guys are just the most fun passangers. Even if [giggle] some of you want to [giggle] tease me. You know who you are." Sweet Savonarola on a Spit, what a nauseating pair.

At this point, a hijacker would almost be a welcome sight.