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Monday, October 02, 2006

I Admit That I Am Powerless Over Twinks

-AP
Following the scandal involving sexually suggestive emails to his adolescent pages, former Representative Mark Foley has checked himself into rehab, citing the well-known connection between alcoholism and homosexuality:
I strongly believe that I am an alcoholic and have accepted the need for immediate treatment. I apologize to all those hurt by my drunken chickenhawk behavior. I understand how damaging my actions have been and I would never have pursued those sweet, sweet young men, if I had not been in the grip of this terrible disease. I never would have sent those emails, if it hadn't been for all the scotch. Mmmm...scotch...aged just right...18 years old and so so smooth...just like those Congressional pages....God I need help.

After regaining composure, Foley reaffirmed the connection between alcoholism and being gay: "Of course they're related. If I could just have gotten that little Jimmy O'Neil drunk, for instance..." At this point, Foley's attorney called a halt to the press conference, citing his client's alcohol induced boner.

posted by Feemus at 7:10 AM

10 Comments:

  • Oh come on!

    What happened to your understanding, liberal support for homosexuality and alternate lifestyles?

    Foley "lied about sex." That's okay, remember? You can even lie to a grand jury if the question is too embarassing. That's the rule, right?

    C'mon! You can't move the goal posts just because you don't like the other team.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:41 AM  

  • Om...you made this up, right Feemus?

    TELL THE TRUUUTH!!

    By Blogger Claudia / PVS, at 10:27 AM  

  • For the record, I have never been a Clinton supporter. I never supported his policies and I think he's a weasel. I think that the hearings and Starr were a bit of a joke, but I don't have any problem with the argument that Clinton should have been sacked for either perjury or sexual harassment. Bill Clinton and I are *not* on the same team.

    At least, though, Monica Lewisnky was of age.

    And I am all for homosexual rights--that is, in fact, part of what I find so objectionable. By linking alcoholism and homosexuality, Foley analogically pathologizes the latter. It's offensive--to fags AND drunks. It suggests that gays are sick and it trivializes the devastation that alcoholism causes in people's lives.

    But worse, it's just stupid. It's the stupidity of the closet and the stupidity of bigotry all wrapped into one big stupid ball.

    As much as I would like to believe that my wife is just one mojito away from a little girl-on-girl action, liquor does not make people gay. While it *does* make people act in ways that are contrary to their ethical beliefs, it doesn't turn straight men into creepy old homos trolling for underage ass on the internets.

    It was the same excuse Bill Bauman used when HE was caught with an underage boy: the liquor made me do it. Take some responsibility, fer Chrissake. Maybe admit that the problem isn't just with your drinking but with your worldview. Maybe you wouldn't have to drink so much if you weren't so filled with self-loathing.

    I will say this for Foley--at least he voted against a Constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage (although he did support an earlier bit of "marriage protection" legislation). Unlike Spokane WA mayor, Jim West who was a crusader against gay rights, trying to make exemptions for gays in existing anti-discrimination laws, right up until it became public that he was e-cruising on Gay.com (under the name RightBiGuy - if I wasn't straight before, I would be after reading these emails) and was ALSO trying to make it with interns.

    What is it with politicians and interns? something about power corrupting....

    Mostly, though, I was just trying to be funny. You too, probably, Dwight. These guys just piss me off. Talk about moving the goalposts: advancing the conservative agenda against what people do in their own bedrooms while propositioning teenage boys on the sly. One set of rules for you, another for me.

    "Moving the Goalposts"--isn't that also a euphemism for "getting it on"? That'd be funny. Also a song by Billy Bragg. See Dwight? See how worked up you've got me?

    By Blogger Feemus, at 10:58 AM  

  • yeah--I made it up.

    What can I say? I was drunk.

    By Blogger Feemus, at 10:59 AM  

  • Seriously, Feemus, I LOVED this post. And I, too, got a bit concerned when the news about alcohol rehab came out this morning. I was kind of afraid it was going to go that way -- with the implied connection, I mean.
    But about this drinking problem of yours, pal -- why can't you just fercrissakes take it or leave it alone?

    By Blogger Claudia / PVS, at 11:43 AM  

  • Ah, Slayer. That may be more truth than I'm up for on a Monday.

    By Blogger Feemus, at 1:19 PM  

  • I can't seem to find the important facts of this story but:

    1. It appears that the kid in question was 17. That's of legal age in FL. As a matter of principle, I don't want to hear him referred to as a "child" again. That's working too hard to make the wrong point. Foley is a dumbass, not a pedophile.

    2. Barney Frank was running a frickin' GAY BROTHEL out of his house, including the employ of "young men" of barely legal age (18 in CA). And the outrage there is/was... Where? Did I miss a memo?

    3. The rehab card (where Foley is concerned) is just pathetic. Nice try, Mr. Foley, you douchebag.

    As long as the outrage cuts both ways, I'm a happy Libertarian.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:34 PM  

  • The "child" point taken. Sort of.

    Um...you didn't get my Barney Frank memo?

    The Democrats are of course just as corrupt and power-abusing as the Republicans. And they're inept, to boot.

    Except for Russ Feingold.

    By Blogger Feemus, at 1:41 PM  

  • I stand corrected.

    FL consent law is either 16 or 18, depending on the age of the second party.

    I think Foley is older than 24, so for the purposes of the pages it is indeed 18.

    Unless you are going by DC laws, in which case it's 16.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:44 PM  

  • And also except for Barack Obama.

    By Blogger Claudia / PVS, at 2:56 PM  

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