Why I'm Mad at the Southern Poverty Law Center, or How I Became Slacktivist of the Year

No, it's not because I hate poor Southern lawyers.

It's their targeted fundraising. They seem to have targeted me as a douchebag.

Every six months or so I get a letter from SPLC saying something like this (and I am not exaggerating):

Dear Mr. Feemus,
We are erecting a Wall of Heroes in Birmingham, Alabama and would like to honor you there for your ongoing bravery and commitment to protecting civil rights. We have a stone tile with your name on it; for an additional donation of $35 we will proudly place your name next to other heroes of the war for Social Justice.

Sincerely,
Rosa Parks

Honestly--they get people like Rosa Parks (or at least her rubber signature stamp) to tell a bunch of checkbook liberals that they are "heroes." This letter makes it sounds as though the recipient chained himself to the prison doors to prevent Yusef Salaam and Antron McCray from being falsely imprisoned.

I'm hoping that Gabriel Byrne will play me in the movie.

Seriously--I find this icky. It has actually made me quit giving money to them, hoping that I will get fewer of these embarrassing letters. And I never gave that much to begin with.

But it makes me wonder what kind of an asshole gets this letter and thinks, "Yeah, I AM a hero. I bet that fifty bucks I gave totally solved all the problems in this country. That took some real courage on my part."

Hell, Wall of Heroes--where's my freakin' Nobel????

It's quite savvy in its own squicky way, playing on middle-class guilt or white guilt or whatever other kind of guilt will let people be misled into this kind of astonishing self-aggrandizement.

And it is astonishing how quickly white guilt can seamlessly translate into white self-congratulation.

But the effects of this strategy are more than just off-putting, they are actually deleterious. We don't need monuments, we need work.

They should send letters saying:

Dear Mr. Feemus,
I bet you feel pretty good about that miserable little check you sent last year that scarcely covered the administrative costs of cashing it. I bet you think you're pretty darned swell. Well, why don't you get off your self-satisfied ass an DO something. For a change.

Sincerely,
Rosa Parks

p.s. And clean out the garage while you're at it, you lazybones.

So, I was looking for the actual letter so that I could quote it's outrageousness to you all, but I couldn't find it. BUT just as I was about ready to post this, I got an email from the Human Rights Campaign (another organization, which focuses on gay rights, to which I occasionally give a few bucks) and they wrote to tell me that the Matthew Shepherd Act passed. The email said: "Your commitment was inspiring."

I guess I'll have to cross the HRC off the donation list. I can't stomach it.

It's really just revolting.