De Gustibus
I went to Starbucks yesterday. Which is something I try very hard not to do.
Airports. I'll go to Starbucks in airports. But other than that, I shun them like the cancerous growths they are.
Why? I don't know. I try to avoid chain stores in general, but I go to Walgreens for shampoo with very little compunction. And as chains go, Starbucks has pretty good labor and environmental policies. I don't know--I just hate it.
There's something about that metastasizing green and chrome. And the aggressive cheerfulness. And very existence of something called an "Eggnog Latte." Ugh.
There's something irrational about my hatred for Starbucks. So I've been thinking about other irrational dislikes. I made a list.
1. Steely Dan
There are probably worse bands, but I really hate Steely Dan. To me, they are pretentious, bland, and their songs have an unsettling capacity for getting stuck in my head. I once had "Deacon Blues" stuck in my head for three years.
2. Squeezable Bottles
Especially water bottles. They're infantilizing and they make rude noises.
3. Henry James
Entirely too much nuance. If I were that attuned to nuance I would kill myself. Although it would probably take 34 pages. Because I would have to describe the gun. In detail. In nuanced detail.
4. Alan Alda
Do I need to explain?
5. The Busker Who Sits Outside My Bank
Sir, I do not wish to be unkind, but I simply cannot believe that you are playing that thing right. Now, I realize an instrument with only one string is perforce going to have its limitations. But I am certain that whoever designed that instrument never intended the sound you make. I am at a loss as how to describe this sound. It has a high pitched and anguished quality that somehow evokes a chipmunk being sodomized. But that is not adequate to the awfulness of the sound. If Courtney Love's parenting skills were translated into sound waves, that would be close. But, Sir, I am genuinely sorry. I am sorry that I hate your instrument. You seem like a very nice man, which is why I put a dollar in your Kleenex box when I pass. Please do not take it as encouragement to continue playing.
Ok, that last one might not be entirely irrational. It really is an awful sound. Although that one chipmunk does seem to like it...
Any irrational dislikes?
Airports. I'll go to Starbucks in airports. But other than that, I shun them like the cancerous growths they are.
Why? I don't know. I try to avoid chain stores in general, but I go to Walgreens for shampoo with very little compunction. And as chains go, Starbucks has pretty good labor and environmental policies. I don't know--I just hate it.
There's something about that metastasizing green and chrome. And the aggressive cheerfulness. And very existence of something called an "Eggnog Latte." Ugh.
There's something irrational about my hatred for Starbucks. So I've been thinking about other irrational dislikes. I made a list.
1. Steely Dan
There are probably worse bands, but I really hate Steely Dan. To me, they are pretentious, bland, and their songs have an unsettling capacity for getting stuck in my head. I once had "Deacon Blues" stuck in my head for three years.
2. Squeezable Bottles
Especially water bottles. They're infantilizing and they make rude noises.
3. Henry James
Entirely too much nuance. If I were that attuned to nuance I would kill myself. Although it would probably take 34 pages. Because I would have to describe the gun. In detail. In nuanced detail.
4. Alan Alda
Do I need to explain?
5. The Busker Who Sits Outside My Bank
Sir, I do not wish to be unkind, but I simply cannot believe that you are playing that thing right. Now, I realize an instrument with only one string is perforce going to have its limitations. But I am certain that whoever designed that instrument never intended the sound you make. I am at a loss as how to describe this sound. It has a high pitched and anguished quality that somehow evokes a chipmunk being sodomized. But that is not adequate to the awfulness of the sound. If Courtney Love's parenting skills were translated into sound waves, that would be close. But, Sir, I am genuinely sorry. I am sorry that I hate your instrument. You seem like a very nice man, which is why I put a dollar in your Kleenex box when I pass. Please do not take it as encouragement to continue playing.
Ok, that last one might not be entirely irrational. It really is an awful sound. Although that one chipmunk does seem to like it...
Any irrational dislikes?
posted by Feemus at
5:25 AM
29 Comments:
Feemus! I DEPENDED on The Turn of the Screw in my youth! Back when I was still drinking and using it was one of my favorites to read when I "wasn't feeling well." I had a copy that was the perfect size and weight to hold, with literary crits in the back. Now that was a lovely, lovely book. Pickin on Henry James! Really, Feemus.
Now, there are two things that come to mind when I read your post (besides how wrong you are about my old pal Henry)and they are:
1. People pulling out in front of me on the highway and then driving well under the speed limit. They do this only when there is no one else for miles behind me. Could they go slowly BEHIND me after I pass them? No. And do you want to know why insist on pulling out right in front of me? I'll tell you why. Because until they see me coming, they've forgotten where they are and what they are doing -- so sound asleep are they! -- so when they see me they remember they're driving, and pull out, then go soundly back to sleep at 35 miles an hour in a 60 mph, no passing zone.
2. People who think its a good idea to eat a bannana right next to my ear. I could lose my mind having to listen to that! Cary Tennis (Since You Asked.../Salon.com)had a column a few weeks ago about stuff like this that drives people (like me, I'm afraid) nuts. It's some kind of sensitivity or psychosis or something. Sigh.
By
Anonymous, at 3:21 PM
Claudia, Claudia, don't be mad.
I actually like The Turn of the Screw and Daisy Miller. Henry James is fine if he doesn't have too much space to get all Jamesy in. I even sort of like Portrait of a Lady. But The Ambassadors? The Bostonians? I just can't take it. The Golden Bowl is almost saved by the truly luminous scene with the actual bowl. And by having a character named Fanny Assingham. Priceless!
But I didn't mean to offend. And Turn of the Screw is lovely (and largely unJamesian, he added unkindly). Do you know the Benjamin Britten? I think it's terrific. I'm a big Britten fan, though, so take the recommendation with a grain of salt. Although we do seem to have some fellow-feeling, musicwise.
The banana? That's so marvellously specific, Claudia. I've been laughing so hard I can hardly type. What kind of a monster would think it was a good idea to eat a bannana next to someone's ear?
Off to check out Salon...
By
Feemus, at 5:57 AM
I didn't get that these were supposed to be "irrational" at first! So the driving one doesn't count, obviously. And I haven't read the other James you mentioned, though I should...or shouldn't? Anyway, speaking of writers who I can read for about 2 paragraphs before I feel like they've forgotten I'm there, you know who I really can't stand, even though I kind of want to like him? Robbins.
I liked Cowgirls when I was 18 years old, yes... and I was pretty hungry for..oh shoot, I can't remember the next one, but I liked that, too. BECAUSE I WAS STILL A KID. Honestly, that guy gets so caught up in being cute and enjoying himself that I start feeling almost immediately like I'm walking in on a very private party, if you know what I mean.
Yuck. Thumbs down on Robbins.
Some day, though, when we are talking about stuff WE LOVE, let's talk about Good Country People and Cathedral, okay?
By
Anonymous, at 8:47 AM
Oh, I am entirely with you on Tom Robbins. Way too cute, way too self-satisfied. Blech.
That one ISN'T irrational, I don't think. Whereas the Henry James thing is all down to taste.
And the banana thing--hmmm...that's somewhere in between, no?
Good Country People is great. I haven't read much O'Connor, but everything I've read I've loved.
I don't know Cathedral, but it sounds as though I should. Who wrote it?
By
Feemus, at 11:03 AM
Some people can tune bananas out, that's the weird part. And meeting rooms full of people slurping coffee...doesn't bother most people one bit.
Cathedral is by Raymond Carver, who I just discovered about a year ago. I haven't read that much O'Connor either, but that story! Holy cow!
Read "The Daemon Lover" by Shirley Jackson? I have a special place in my heart for that funky little story. And I really love old Shirley. Mmm-mmm!
And too many to mention by Frank O'Connor. A vote for "Big Blonde" by Dorothy Parker here, too.
Can you imagine the size of this list if I didn't have the good sense to shut up?
Off to eat a banana...
By
Anonymous, at 8:05 PM
Ooooh, I love Frank O'Connor. And John McGahern.
I haven't read "The Daemon Lover," but it sounds like I should!
I just looked on my shelves, and I have a copy of "Catherdral." It's toward the end of the collection Where I'm Calling From--I've only read the first two, I think.
It's first on my to-read list after I dig my way out of term papers and final exams.
IF I dig my way out...
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Feemus, at 11:17 AM
Excellent! And I shall look up John McGahern!
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Anonymous, at 1:23 PM
Yay! we have homework!
(um, I think this might be why I got beat up so often in junior high...)
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