This Blog is Stolen Property

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Soft Rock

After my last post, I dug out a recording of Idomeneo, to remind myself that it is beautiful and that no one gets beheaded.

That's what I've been listening to all day. So why do I have "Have You Never Been Mellow" stuck in my head?? And does this make me the very whitest person ever??? And also possibly gay??? Have I even heard this song in the last 25 years? How did this happen?

Ugh.

I wonder what the process is by which songs get stuck in one's head. I know I've blogged about this before, but this time it's personal. Fer Chrissakes, this time it's Olivia Newton Freaking John.

Many years ago, in another lifetime, I worked in a bar with the very worst juke box EVER. I mean it--if there's a Hell, and Hell has a jukebox, it would have the same playlist.

When I tell you the The Scorpions was the best selection possible, you'll get some idea. There was no high point. But the lows were just punitive. There was the Andrew's Sisters singing "Beer Barrel Polka." There was "How Much is the Doggy in the Window?" which some of the more ironic drunks would play, and then stand by the tobacco streaked window and bark along with. It wasn't really funny the first time. By the 101st time, it was....well, see above, re: jukebox in Hell.

I was a great employee, honest and hardworking, I really was. But one night I kind of snapped. I opened up the jukebox, pulled the 45 out (45's--days gone by, huh?), and busted it. I just couldn't take the barking anymore.

The really hellish bit, though, was "I've Never Been to Me," [click at your own risk] which was played by either asshole college kids or maudlin floozies who would then tell me that they used to be beautiful.

Brutal.

18 years later and still, STILL, every once in a while I will find myself singing "I moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo..."

I get some funny looks.

So what freakin' brain mechanism lets this happen? This goes against either Intelligent Design and evolution. What would the evolutionary advantage be to wanting to blow my brains out?

"Have you never been happy just to hear your song?" Not this song, Olivia. Not this song.

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