Oh Dear God

The Mormon missionaries on my bus are getting dumber. Which scarcely seems possible.

I've written before about these chipper little mouth-breathers. These good-natured boneheads that sucked so bad at missionary school that they got sent from one US city to another US city. These were the missionary cadets who couldn't learn another language or comprehend cultural difference. So here they are. With me on the #8.

The last time we checked in with these eager little converters, they were asking the homeless for restaurant suggestions. You wouldn't think it could get worse.

You would be wrong.

Today, I am sitting on the bus trying to read my book. When I hear a gratingly cheerful voice that I know without looking is coming out of a scrubbed face which is sitting on top of a black suit. I can't hear the other guy's part of the conversation. I glance over and I can see him doing the math in his head: "if the bus averages 1 stop every two minutes, we'll get to the Square in 16 more minutes--can I go this long without punching this guy?"

But I don't hear him say a word. Just the missionary's very loud part of the conversation:

-What are your plans for the holidays?

-I am with the Church of Jesus Christ. Have you heard of the Latter Day Saints?

-I am from Utah. Where are you from?

Then there's a pause. I don't hear the other guy's answer. But the missionary says,

v e r y s l o w l y,

and EVEN LOUDER:

Wow. You're all the way from England? Your English is VERY good.

Save us all from salvation.