Oh Feemus, Where Art Thou?

Good lord, has it been two weeks since I've posted anything? I have been very busy trying to find a new job. Which, you know, ugh. It's a dreadful process, but not dreadful in a way that makes for interesting blog posts.

Except...

Lots of colleges and universities have religious affiliations. The one I'm at now does, in fact. This usually doesn't have much bearing (or any) on curriculum. Some colleges ask faculty members to affirm the principles of the insitution. But there's one college I've come across who asks for a little bit more. They have a five page document about faith that one must sign, including a section on behavioral expectations. A sample:

The College will not condone practices which Scripture forbids. Such activities include occult practices, sexual relations outside of marriage, homosexual practice, drunkenness, theft, profanity, and dishonesty. Westmont also recognizes that Scripture condemns “sins of the spirit” such as covetousness, jealousy, pride, and lust. By their very nature, these sins are more difficult to discern. Because they lie at the heart of the relationship between the individual and God they are of central concern to the Westmont community.

Ok, I think I broke like six or seven of those before noon today. But the one that just kills me is the prohibition on covetousness, jealousy, and pride. That just makes no sense. Academia would collapse! Covetousness, jealousy, and pride are to academia as oxygen is to fire (if this were an analogy question on the SAT). But who's going to police this?? The pride squad?

The whole document is weird. Faculty members can't possess alcohol or tobacco on campus. And not only do they have about 38 references to heterosexuality and marital fidelity, they also mandate for their unmarried faculty members "healthy family relationships."

But have they met my mother?