School's (Almost) Out For Summer

The end of the semester is in sight, and not a moment too soon. It's been a particularly aggravating term--the ratio of absolute loonies to normal students has been particularly high this semester, and I think it's good for the health of all for me to get the hell away from them.

Here's an email from a kid who has not come to class ONCE this semester.

Dear Feemus,
I know that I need to turn in some work to you [um, like three weeks ago]. It would be helpful to me in completing this if you could remind me of the format and the topics for these assignments.

Also, could you tell me when and where we meet. I know I shouldn't have to ask this, but I can't find the information anywhere. I would like to end the semester on as strong a foot as possible.

Sincerely,
OffToLawSchool

Get the fuck out of here. We have ONE week of classes left and you think that coming to class NOW is going to do you any damn good?

And you think my job is to be "helpful" to you? My job is to fucking TEACH you. I have been available to teach you for several months now. I have emailed you several times--with no response--in concern about your failure to attend or to complete your work. I have emailed you to remind you that I am available during office hours if you are having academic difficulties. And nothing from you. But now that you realize you're failing, you want me to "be helpful"??

The really sad thing is, this kid isn't even the most annoying one this semester.

Although, of course, there are many wonderful students as well. They rarely email. I love them.