Half Past Ten
We had a departmental party last night. These are slightly awkward affairs--the sheer concentration of geekiness always seems slightly precarious. That much geek in so small a space; I'm always partly convinced that the parties are surrounded by a kind of geek event horizon, that they're invisible to cooler passers-by. It has something to do with the relation between nerd escape velocity and the speed of light. Or something like that.
At any rate, they're often productive of some of the most charming conversations. These people can argue about absolutely anything:
A: Is that "Take a Letter Maria" playing? That song always makes me want to dance.
B: Except that it's about, you know, adultery and heartbreak.
C: And sexual harrassment.
A: But the music is so cheerful.
B: I don't think it's harrassment. It's about finding new love.
C: Yeah, it is. Sure. Except does Maria have any choice in the matter? Or is it just some asshole overcompensating for the fact that he can't satisfy his wife by coercing his secretary into sleeping with him?
B: Sleeping with? That's not in the song. That's all in your mind.
C: And don't even get me started on the race thing.
B: What? You're insane. The race thing?
C: About the boss creating a hostile work environment for his economically vulnerable Latina employee.
B: I thought the boss was black.
C: Are you saying a black guy can't be a bad boss? Don't be so closed-minded.
A: I wonder if the boss's name is Jones. Maybe his cheating wife was cheating with Billy Paul.
B: Billy Paul? Oh, yeah. "Me and Mrs. Jones." Mrs. Jones, Mrs. Jones, Mrs. Jones. That's a good song. Or a good bad song. I know it's wrong (but it's much too strong). I like it.
A: Yeah, but you can't dance to it. Like "Take a Letter Maria." You can dance to that.
D: [walking over] What are you guys talking about?
C: The abuses of power.
A: "Take a Letter Maria."
D: What? Who's Maria?
At any rate, they're often productive of some of the most charming conversations. These people can argue about absolutely anything:
A: Is that "Take a Letter Maria" playing? That song always makes me want to dance.
B: Except that it's about, you know, adultery and heartbreak.
C: And sexual harrassment.
A: But the music is so cheerful.
B: I don't think it's harrassment. It's about finding new love.
C: Yeah, it is. Sure. Except does Maria have any choice in the matter? Or is it just some asshole overcompensating for the fact that he can't satisfy his wife by coercing his secretary into sleeping with him?
B: Sleeping with? That's not in the song. That's all in your mind.
C: And don't even get me started on the race thing.
B: What? You're insane. The race thing?
C: About the boss creating a hostile work environment for his economically vulnerable Latina employee.
B: I thought the boss was black.
C: Are you saying a black guy can't be a bad boss? Don't be so closed-minded.
A: I wonder if the boss's name is Jones. Maybe his cheating wife was cheating with Billy Paul.
B: Billy Paul? Oh, yeah. "Me and Mrs. Jones." Mrs. Jones, Mrs. Jones, Mrs. Jones. That's a good song. Or a good bad song. I know it's wrong (but it's much too strong). I like it.
A: Yeah, but you can't dance to it. Like "Take a Letter Maria." You can dance to that.
D: [walking over] What are you guys talking about?
C: The abuses of power.
A: "Take a Letter Maria."
D: What? Who's Maria?
posted by Feemus at
11:06 AM
6 Comments:
Such a horizon would only occur if geeks are in fact attracted to other geeks.
If this were true (and the existence of poetry readings tends to imply it is), then the greater the density of nerds, the more energy a single nerd must expend in order to escape the party. Eventually it becomes impossible.
Geeks just outside the party would also find themselves drawn into it, i.e. the party would suck. Only bodies possessing zero geekiness (called "anti-geeks" or "cool people") would be immune to the pull.
And yes, if there are no nerds escaping the party, then the whole lot of 'em becomes invisible to the outside observers, including government funding agencies.
Ha. I'm a physicist. I sneer at your anaemic excuse for geekiness, ya word-nerd.
By
jjdebenedictis, at 8:44 PM
Sometimes they play that "Mrs. Jones" "song" in stores, and then I have to leave.
I had a friend once who said that the reason most people can listen to that stuff is because they're really not listening. My problem, she said, was that I actually listened.
All my choppers, east and west, Feemus!
Oh, and THANK YOU, FEEMUS: I now have that assinine song in my head!
By
Anonymous, at 7:31 AM
Ah, Claud--I am sorry.
That "Mrs. Jones" song is dreck, but I used to have this coworker who would do a hilarious rendition of it (usually into a ketchup bottle microphone). I just think of that whenever I hear it and the parody cures the suckiness.
The best adultery song ever, I think, has to be from the Velvet Underground: "the fact that you are married only proves you're my best friend." Now THERE'S some cheatin' logic for you!! Great song, though.
I was in the grocery store the other day and they were playing Dinah Washington. Not just one song, but a whole album. While I was happy about the music, it had a weird alternate universe feeling about it.
Now, JJ, if you think that word-nerdery is not at the pinnacle of geekiness, you've never been part of a lengthy and heated argument about what part of speech a participle *really* is. And, as you hilariously note, poetry readings! Thanks for working out the metaphor for me--that terrific. "Government funding agencies"!
By
Feemus, at 8:50 AM
Ah yes: Linger on...your pale blue eyes...
time to go to the big city and see if I can find it on CD...
claud
By
Anonymous, at 8:55 AM
Is Missoula the "big city"?
That's so awesome.
By
Feemus, at 9:34 AM
Now, JJ, if you think that word-nerdery is not at the pinnacle of geekiness, you've never been part of a lengthy and heated argument about what part of speech a participle *really* is.
Aw, frick. You may have me there.
That's pretty hard-core -
- says someone who has watched party-goers juggling their canapes and champagne flutes in front of a chalkboard while they argue about cylindrical black holes in anti-deSitter space-time.
By
jjdebenedictis, at 11:27 AM
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