Gotta Look Sharp? Commodify Your Dissent!

This album cover haunted me in the '80s.

I know how ridiculous that sounds.

It was the shoes in particular that haunted me. They filled me (and still do) with simultaneous longing and revulsion.

It was the '80s and I officially hated fashion. These silly shoes seemed to represent all that is silly about fashion. They're ostentatious and look decidedly pinchy.

But the longing was still there.

The longing wasn't for the shoes, exactly. Rather, I wanted to be the guy who could wear shoes like that. If I wore those shoes, I would just feel ludicrous. I would be so self-conscious about my hipster footwear that any coolness they achieved would be offset by intense awkwardness.

I know that's a lot of emotional process for just one photo. It's a miracle I could listen to the album.

I've been thinking about shoes and fashion this week. My last pair of Chuck Taylor All-Stars are undeniably wornout. During my teens, Chucks were the anti-fashion fashion statement. I wasn't too attuned to irony, I guess, in the '80s.

The Chucker habit carried on well into adulthood. Even as I figured out the irony of having a "punk uniform" I kept buying them. Even as they became the official footwear of absolutely everyone, from punks to rappers to tweener girls, I kept buying them. They're comfortable and familiar.

But when Nike bought them, I vowed never to buy another sweat-shop manufactured pair again.

My last pair is threadbare.

And now I need shoes. What am I going to do?

I realize now that, after all these years, that I might as well have worn Joe Jackson's silly white shoes for all my soi disant fashion-hating. It turns out I've been a commodity fetishizer all along.

Sigh.