Um, Ironic Much?

President Bush on the new bill for funding the war:

As it provides vital funds for our troops, this bill also reflects a consensus that the Iraqi government needs to show real progress in return for America's continued support and sacrifice.

Yes, by all means, let's talk about what the Iraqis owe the Americans. Perhaps we could also ask the Nicaraguans to pay us back for all that money we gave to the Contras.

Maybe we could ask the Vietnamese to finally step up and make reparations to the family of Henry Cabot Lodge for the expense of executing Ngo Dinh Diem.

The Russians, too, should be asking Afghanistan to try "to show real progress" for their tireless efforts throughout the 1980s to liberate them from religious tyranny.

And by all means, let's ask the Yankees to offer something in return for all the Red Sox' losses after the Babe Ruth trade. I mean, it's only fair.


Should the Iraqis be doing better? Of course they should. But until we stop treating international relations as some kind of video game and actually think through the consequences of our meddling before we undertake it, we have no right to demand amelioration "in return" for our shortsighted strategies. Sheesh.

I Am A Moron

So, here's a little tragicomedy for your delectation. I call it "When Bad Things Happen to Stupid People."

Ever since a virus ate my computer a couple years ago (I couldn't resist opening the email attachment that promised naked pictures of John Ashcroft....uh...I mean Anna Kournikova...never mind...), I have been left with just my laptop and a pervasive sense of anxiety.

All this is compounded by the fact that I don't understand computers at all.

Anyway, I came home late Tuesday--I'd gone to a party after work and had taken my laptop with me. I got home around midnight and thought I'd do a little work before going to bed. I plugged my computer in and opened it up.

And....................nothing.

I pressed down on the little "on" button for several seconds.

And....................nothing.

And then I started wondering what was going on. I thought maybe I hadn't shut it down properly and the battery hadn't turned itself off (this has happened before) and that it overheated and broke. Or maybe it got knocked around at the party. Or.....I don't know.

I made sure it was really plugged in, and tried again, and nothing.

For three days I have been panicking, making lists of all the stuff that I haven't backed up (don't ask me how such a list would be at all helpful, because I don't know). I berated myself for not having one of those little plug-inny-thingamajigs that saves everything. Or learning how to upload stuff to the university dealiemabob. I called everyone I knew to ask what to do.

I finally got an appointment with a computer fixing guy, who took it and plugged it in and asked what the problem was.

Because, you see, the computer is fine. My electrical socket is not. Which is entirely unsurprising--this house is a hundred or so years old and nothing works.

None of this explains, though, why I didn't notice that the light on the surge protector wasn't on, or why I didn't try it in another outlet.

Sigh.

I am very glad to have my computer back, though. Now I guess I'll go buy one of those doohickeys.