I am an Idiot

I've given up believing that I am ever going to grow as a human being.

I was in the elevator at work today. I almost never take the elevator (I say it's because I like the exercise, but really it's because I'm claustrophobic), but I do now and then. So in five years, I've probably taken this elevator 40 or 50 times.

And I never noticed it.

There's a little button that says: "Push here for emergency assistance."

And someone has painstakingly effaced the "istance."

I started laughing, and then an elderly and distinguished person got on the elevator and she asked what was funny. Which made it even funnier.

I am still pretty much in junior high. I guess by now I'm too old to grow up.

CFP du jour

Hard To Swallow:
Reading Pornography On Screen

Edited by Darren Kerr and Claire Hines (Southampton Solent University, UK)

REVISED DEADLINE: FRIDAY NOVEMBER 3rd 2006
Having received an excellent response to the original call this update
addresses several requests to extend the deadline. We would also like to
draw your attention to, in particular, our desire to publish text-based
readings of screen pornography.

Proposals are sought for a new edited collection on screen pornography.

Historically there has been a tendency to dismiss textual approaches to
understanding graphic sexual images, and in particular the study of
pornography.
Departing from studies which focus on reception and media effects, this
collection responds to the recent rise in media debate, publications and
academic courses on pornography that demand a contemporary critique.
The focus of this collection will be screen representations of pornography
and explicit sex, investigating key historical moments, contemporary issues
and diverse case studies ranging from film ‘classics’ to the gonzo home
movie, from queer sexualities to Japanese anime and beyond.
As part of the next generation of critical thinking about pornography we
have arrived at an opportune moment to embrace and expand upon work
established in contemporary studies on sexuality, new technologies and the
introduction of pornography into mainstream scholarship. The collection is
therefore designed to offer a comprehensive reference point for the study
of screen pornography: analysing, historicising and theorising hardcore
moving images.

Proposals are welcomed on, but not limited to, the following topics and
areas:
-Contemporary sexual citizenship; classifications and contentions.
-The dominance and/or dissolution of heterosexuality.
-Perversions, bondage, domination, submission, S/M.
-Spectatorship and visual pleasure.
-The use and/or elision of race and class in pornography.
-Queer politics and sexuality.
-The evolution of the hardcore on screen; revisiting/re-writing history.
-Early images, stag reels.
-The rise and politics of big screen pornography.
-The dissemination and representation of contemporary sexualities.
-Women, video and the hardcore home.
-Amateur pornographies and gonzo aesthetics.
-Porn nations; national cultures and the pornographic screen.
-Blurring the boundaries between pornography and art.
-Extensions of the hardcore body; anal, oral and other pleasures.
-Use of accessories, toys and technology.
-Technological dissemination via the internet; impact on sexualities and
diverse pornographies.
-Stars, directors and industries; considering contemporary practitioners,
practices and production.
-Proliferation of hardcore queer pornographies; lesbian, gay and
transgender sexualities on screen.
-Debating cultural taboos and transgressions in hardcore, including
violence, age, pregnancy and disabilities.

Proposals (250-300 words approx) are required by Friday November 3 2006
accompanied by a brief biography.
Please submit to Darren.Kerr@solent.ac.uk
and Claire.Hines@solent.ac.uk

Darren Kerr and Dr Claire Hines are both Senior Lecturers in Film and
Television Studies at Southampton Solent University, UK.

Yeah, I'll bet they received an excellent response. I feel a little dirty.

Maybe They Just Listen For Tone of Voice

The Washington Post reports today that only 33 out of 12000 FBI agents have even a glancing knowledge of Arabic. This is one of those *yawn* stories. Yeah, yeah, we all know that Americans are bad with languages and can't find France on a map and can't divide 4 by 1. I watch Leno, too.

We've all heard the stories about all the American ambassadors who don't know the language of the country to which they're assigned. Yeah, I read The Ugly American in high school, too.

We're arrogant and inept and that's why we keep getting into so much trouble. Old story.

Still true, of course, but it's an old story.

But it make you wonder--the President is busy accusing everyone who opposes the Patriot Act or illegal wiretapping of "not wanting to listen to the terrorists," well, it turns out that we actually can't listen to the terrorists.

Maybe that's why they want such comprehensive surveillance. Why they need to enlist librarians and warrantless searches and the creepy let-mailmen-spy-on-people Operation TIPS. Because they can't actually do any focused listening.

But do you remember a few years ago when the army and other branches of our security forces fired all those Arabic and Farsi translators for being gay? That doesn't seem like such a good idea now.

Oh, and Mr. Clinton? Don't worry about it. Who could have foreseen that anything could ever go wrong with Don't Ask, Don't Tell as an anti-discrimination policy?? We know it was the best you could do with the limited balls at your disposal.

Although, to be fair, there was some concern about the accuracy of the translations. Critics site this conversation between two al Qaida operatives, translated by one of the cashiered linguists:

- Oooh, girlfriend, did you see that mufti when he issued that fatwa? He was totally giving you the sticky eyeball, praise be to Allah.

- I know, right? Could he have been more obviously cruising me, peace be upon him? But as if. I mean, have you seen that mufti's crow's feet? Just because you're fighting the infidels doesn't mean you can't moisturize.

-Mmmm....he could be my Daddy....chacun a son gout...oh, by the way, did you hear? We're going to have to honor-kill your sister. I mean, did you see that burkha she was wearing--if you can even call it a burkha. You could totally see her nose and part of her lip--and after Labor Day! Praise be to Allah.

The Empire of the Senseless

Actual conversation I had with a colleague this morning. I sometimes think that 90% of my life is spent having this conversation in one form or another:

C: What do you think of Daniel Craig as the new Bond?

F: I liked Layer Cake, I guess.

C: Yeah, Daniel Craig is ok, but I liked Timothy Dalton.

F: Was he the Falcon or the Snowman?

C: That's Timothy Hutton.

F: Which one was in Ordinary People?

C: Hutton. You know who I always get mixed up?Campbell Scott and Cameron Crowe. Not when I see them, just when I hear the name.

F: I get Campbell Scott and Griffin Dunne mixed up.

C: Griffin Dunne was the one in American Werewolf in London. Campbell Scott was in The Sheltering Sky. And Longtime Companion.

[is this guy coming on to me?]

F: Yeah, I know. That doesn’t help—I can’t ever remember what either of them looks like.

C: Patrick Dempsey played a guy named Griffin in The Player.

F: That was a good movie. Who's the guy who looks like Wallace Shawn?

C: No one looks like Wallace Shawn.

F: Does Bob Balaban look like Wallace Shawn?

C: No one looks like Wallace Shawn.